Why do we need NYC? Bernie wants to know.

Enter Bernie.

I don’t get it.

They only come when there’s trouble, or when they’re shipping criminals to our riverbanks.

The New York Media.

That Susan called today.

Hi there, my name is Susan. I’m in from WXYZ in New York. We heard there was some trouble going on out here and thought we’d check in. Wondering if you had a minute to chat … my number is …

Well, aren’t you useful, little dove.

Do you ever do any reporting, or do you just go where your equally condescending producer tells you?

She doesn’t know the ground and, poor thing, needs a guide.

Someone at the Sheriff’s department did this, called New York. Itching for attention, that’s all. They want to mark the value of their own existance.

More than once, village government shunned the Sheriff’s presence in the village. They were always trying to take over! Tax dollars, they say. Middle Valley doesn’t need TWO police forces – the Sheriffs AND the village police. I mean, how much crime is there, really, in Middle Valley?

Truthfully, aside from a few recent body parts, that would be exactly none.

I remember when Ida Haines drove through the storefront on River Road. That was a trip. 85 years old, she hits the gas and not the brake. I think it did more damage than the floods of 1983. It was a curio shop of some sort, front window totaled … damned woman drove clear through the shop. Surprised she didn’t end up face-first in the river bed. That’s a testament to old-school construction right there.

Then there was the night that Fallolie Lola was out and about at the Riverside. God, Cassie had that covered. (That girl is like gold, I tell you.) Fallolie Lola, born and raised on this soil, had, well, had more than a few. Cassie got her home in one piece only to have her come back the next night and do it all again, then end up in Cassie’s bed, for what reason remains unclear to me.

Cassie called Paul and had Lola put in lock-up.

That was what Middle Valley calls excitement.

All of this is to say that this is a quiet place, one I know very well, every nook, every cranny, every inch.

That Susan called today.

Interesting.